That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
