"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
