i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Do vagina's smell?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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