dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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