Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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