I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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