she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
