I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
