is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
