I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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