I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
