Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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