There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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