i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
