Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
