You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
