just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
