I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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