I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
