I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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