im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
