I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
