I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
