Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
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