Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
