Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
