Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
