I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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