just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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