He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
