i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
