Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
