Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
