btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
