Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
zippers are such a cool invention
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
