Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Randomize
