Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
