Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
