I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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