He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
