Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Acid is not a monday night drug
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
