Just cropdusted the office
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Randomize
