Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
We left the knife in your bed.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
