um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
