Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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