i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
