I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
