He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
