I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
