I wish I could punch you in the face.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
