oh god the rape fog is back!
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Randomize
