He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
