I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
